"Blow into this device and sign here."

The woman I work for is a member of some Wine-of-the-Month club or something like that, so a box containing a couple bottles of wine gets delivered to our office every month, and I'm usually the one who ends up signing for it. There's always been a label on it saying "Adult Signature Required- Over 21". Okay, that makes sense. But today for the first time I noticed it also says "Alcoholic Beverage- Do Not Deliver To Intoxicated Persons". What?

Is this a law, or just a policy of the shipping company? Either way.... what? If I'm over 21, stationary, and have had a few drinks, I can't have more delivered? Is this a common problem, drunks obtaining more booze within 10 to 14 business days? If I'm in a bar and already drunk, I can get another drink. But if I'm in the bar long enough for the bartender to ship my drink to me, I can't have it then? Or do they assume I'm going to be driving when the package arrives? What if I refuse to submit to a test of my blood, breath, and/or urine- do I lose my mail privileges? And here I spent all this time planning, tracking the package, timing the party just right so that when everybody was drunk enough, then more alcohol would magically appear at the door. So much for that. Anybody want to volunteer to be the designated signer?

Thrive, Schmive

Okay, Badger's wondering why I don't do funny blogs anymore, and I've been thinking of writing something anyway, so here's a little rant for y'all- don't know how "funny" it'll be....

Insurance companies are evil. I've had some great experiences with insurance companies and been treated well on a number of occasions, but they're still inherently evil. It's like the devil giving you a sandwich. Sure it's good, with extra peppers and a really nice slice of tomato, but he's still going to take your soul.

I have Kaiser. I've had some not-so-great experiences with them, but mostly I can't complain too much and there's things I really like about their system. But I am so damn sick of their insulting "thrive" ad campaign. Why insulting, you say? Zonthar, aren't they just a nice little series of commercials and billboards that encourage people to live healthier lives? Isn't that a good thing? Well, every time I see one of those slickly produced pieces, I see my already exorbitant premiums paying for them. Sure, my work helps pay for it, but I still pay plenty out of pocket, and it irks me to see where it goes.

Look! It's the happy old man jogging and eating an apple! Look! It's somebody riding a bike and having a salad! Thank you, Kaiser! Thank you SO MUCH! If it weren't for you spending millions on those ads, I would never be aware of the fact that exercising and eating healthier results in BETTER HEALTH! Now I finally see the light! Hey, you want to improve my health? How about not spending so much money on ads that are specifically designed to keep you from having to pay for people annoying you with their health problems? How about taking the shitload of money I give you every fucking month and every time I walk in your door, and using that to, say, actually pay for my prescribed medicine that works, instead of only paying for the cheaper alternative that doesn't, forcing me to choose between bankruptcy and feeling like shit? How about that? "Thrive" this, you selfish bastards. That said, I rather enjoy the bilingual TV spot. I kinda like the whole Latina aerobics instructor voice thing they got going in that one.