Look! I'm writing a blog! I've barely been paying attention to Cyberland (there's a theme park idea in there somewhere) for a while- been too distracted and just plain tired to pay it much heed. But here it is, Independence Day, and as I have attained a temporary independence from other obligations, here I sit at the computer. Is it really such an improvement over what I would otherwise be doing? That's for a later debate. For now, I have a few topics that have been bubbling in my head and need to be vented. Yes, I'm backed up- I have Blue Blog.
So, herewith just a few tidbits, as it were- starting with the HANDSFREE LAW.
As all of you in California already know- or most of you anyway- as of July 1st, you can get a ticket for driving with a cell phone held up to your ear. If you want to yak on the road, you have to use a handsfree headset. Fine, in theory, that makes sense and I'm in favor of it. Too many idiots driving with one hand and yammering away instead of paying attention to their driving. Getting that phone out of their hand improves the safety of everyone on the road. OR SO IT WOULD SEEM.
I don't know about you, but my experience with my own so-called handsfree device has proven far more distracting than my phone ever was by itself. I bought my Bluetooth thingy a year or so ago, long before the law, so I could use it on long drives and such- but it's such a pain in the ass that I've never bothered with it around town. Maybe I just need a better headset, but in any event, the whole process sucks.
No matter how thoroughly you've checked your phone settings and Bluetooth connection, it seems that each incoming or outgoing call becomes a savage ballet of confusion and failure. What's that noise in the headset? Oh, I'm getting a call. How do I answer with this thing? Oh yeah, it's this button here. Hello? Hello? Dammit- where's the phone? I'll just answer it on there- hello? HELLO? It says "Transfer sound to headset?" Well, YES you piece of shit, I already connected the headset and was just talking to someone five minutes ago. Why the hell would I suddenly NOT want it in the headset? Hello? SHIT! Lost the call. Okay, call back- YES I want to transfer to the headset, you- hello? HELLO? SHIT!!! Five minutes of this kind of crap is far more distracting than the old school ear-holding ever was, and requires spending more time looking away from the road and occasionally a TWO-handed operation- in the old days, somebody called, I answered, held it up to my ear until done, then hung up. If I needed to for safety, I put the phone down during a call. Dangerously distracting at times? Perhaps, which is why in theory I'm in favor of the law. But if they really want us safer, they should force us to wear the nasty old wired headsets that were so much easier to deal with. Or better yet, outlaw phone-driving completely- and while you're at it, outlaw food-driving, makeup-driving, and all the other things we all do from time to time on the road. I've never been much of a phone-driver anyway, so at least in my case the new law is working, in that in most cases I will probably just wait and talk on the phone later, or park somewhere, rather than facing the teardrop-shaped bud of evil that is my Bluetooth headset.
Next topic- although the above rant is nominally about the Freedom to be Stupid, in that our stupidity on the road is being legislated away, I don't have a big problem with laws that restrict the ability of other people's stupidity to affect me- or vice versa. But the title comes from this: the other day I had to set up a new voicemail system at work, and at one point the pleasant cybervoice on the other end asked me to come up with a PIN code for security, RIGHT NOW. I wasn't prepared to do that, and didn't have time to come up with something clever and memorable for everyone to use. I just wanted to finish setting up the voicemail and get on with my life, and then change the PIN later if it was decided that our voicemail was in grave danger of being compromised by the forces of evil. So, I just picked the last four digits of our phone number. But NO. It wouldn't let me do that. It also wouldn't let me do sequential numbers or four of the same number. It didn't just advise against it, it wouldn't allow it, period. Yes, I know it's for security. But whose? Why is it the phone company's business if I want to pick a stupid PIN? And that got me thinking about all the other institutions that do the same thing- "your password MUST contain both letters and numbers", "your password CANNOT be your email", etc. These private companies are telling us, their customers, that we are not allowed to give in to our own stupidity. Listen, Mister Big Moneypants, I pay you enough every month that if I want my password to be "password", you should let it happen.
Next topic- my belated tribute to George Carlin. I was very sad to hear of his death the other day- we've lost a comic genius. Yes, he made much of his early fame out of a reputation being one of "those 'dirty' comedians", and there are still people who pigeonhole him into that category. But he was never just a guy who told dirty jokes, or who used profanity just to get a cheap laugh. He was one of the most intelligent people ever to set foot on a stage, and was the embodiment of the old cliche about "you laugh, and then you think". Sure, not all his material was "deep"- much of the time, he was just plain funny. And that's probably his most remarkable trait- unlike many famous comedians, George Carlin was innately funny! And he got even sharper, and arguably better, as he got older. That graying old brain of his ran rings around younger performers right up until the end- and he was still damn funny.
Next topic- since giving myself a Christmas present of a handheld GPS unit, I've been kinda getting into
geocaching. It's fun. Rather than try to explain it here, I'll just let you go to the link if you don't know what it is.
Next topic- the platypus rant. Okay, so what's the deal with me and the platypus? Many of you know I have a thing for platypi (my preferred plural form), but why? Well, the story isn't much. My friend Alan, through a jokey-nicknamey process, became Badger and then was all about badgers. We were sitting around one day a few years ago and I decided I needed an animal too. I always thought the platypus was an odd and interesting beast, rather like myself, so I picked it. The thing is, it was destiny- the more I learn about platypi, the more I realize my oneness with them: a strange mix of various creatures in one, reclusive and solitary, and even a bit venomous. And now people have started to give me platypus items, I've semi-considered getting one inked on me, and I seriously want to go to Australia specifically so I can see one in person. Crazy.
But the point here is that the name for a baby platypus is one of the cutest things ever: a "puggle". OR SO I THOUGHT. It turns out, as I recently read on an official Australian government wildlife site or something like that, that while many people think baby platypi are called puggles, there really is no official name- it's just "baby platypus". Meanwhile, the infant echidna, the platypus' ugly cousin, is called a puggle. I was shocked by this horrible revelation, as I'm sure you are as well. I knew that the term "puggle" had already been appropriated by the purveyors of that perversion of nature that is a Pug/Beagle cross, and if you Google "puggle" (try saying "Google puggle" ten times fast), that's mostly what you get. Damn their canine hides, they stole our name! Which we didn't even have!
Okay, so if the echidna's a puggle, why not the platypus? Who is in charge of the "official" names for these things? Who are these Zoology Nazis? How do we petition them? Power to the Platypi! Platypus=Puggle forever!
That's it for today. Whew! I feel relieved.
