I just want pants! Is that so much to ask?

From 4/26/05-

Okay, what is the deal with pants these days? Huh? I bought pants tonight. Need some new ones for my rapidly approaching Chicago trip. Nothing exciting, just a pair of black Dockers. As simple as you can get. Same length as I've been buying since my last growth spurt some twenty years ago. The waist- well, we won't discuss that. Well, they were too short, almost by an inch. Should have tried them on at the store, but they're just the same size as always, and I thought no, they'll be fine- good thing I thought better of that when I got home! Out of the last four pairs of pants I've bought, all the same length, jeans and slacks, three of them have been too short. Three of them!! This is not just a fluke. Are highwaters "in" all of a sudden? Are the measurements in a Honduran sweatshop slightly different because of the proximity to the Equator? Or am I actually adding more to my already freakish height, and one pair was just too long? All I know is, the Masons are behind this, acting at the behest of their alien overlords. Now I have to make another trip to Mervyn's. Goddammit. Fucking alien overlords.