Okay, this is tech-geek heaven...

Holy Mother of God.

mms://station.streaming-tv.net/sonypr/OLED070524_750kbps.wmv

My random thought for today

Okay, so I have cell phones on the mind lately since I pulled the classic hick move of leaving mine in a cab in Chicago. Got a new one now, and it makes one think. Cell phones are now capable of absolutely everything this side of wiping your ass (and there's a Bluetooth device for that). You can conduct a corporate merger with your cell phone. You can launch a preemptive missile strike. You can travel through time, listening to mp3s and looking stylish while doing it. But the one thing they still can't seem to handle is the gunk from your face.

Sure, the screen is all gleamy and clear- for the first 1.3 seconds of use. Then it's all about the facial oils, makeup, and various other digusting viscous substances that collect on one's cheeky-eary area. Don't phone designers realize these things are going to be used by excreting beings? Forget the wireless earbud- the one accessory you truly need for your phone is a handy piece of clothing to wipe it on. Am I alone in this? Am I just excessively oily?

Really, they should come up with something to deal with this important issue. Perhaps a micro-thin squeegee that automatically cleans the screen after you hang up. Or a revolutionary plastic that repels face gunk, always keeping your skin at least one mm from contact with the screen. Maybe we could add a reservoir that collects the gunk, then you leave it by the curb to be picked up, refined, and used to reduce our dependence on foreign oil. We've got to get to work on this, people!

That's my hometown....

I'm getting really sick of having to justify where I live. Most of you who read my blog are current or former Fresno residents, so I probably don't have to explain that sentiment to you. Look, we all know what's wrong with Fresno. We know it's flat, hot, dusty, ineptly run, crime-ridden, contains a lot of backward-thinking people, and is not the most exciting of places to be. Fine, all of that is true in varying degrees. But is Fresno alone in this? Of course not. Many cities- I dare say every city- can also lay claim to at least one if not all of the above faults. But for some reason, Fresno's reputation for general suckiness is so pervasive and far-reaching that it takes on a life of its own and exists out in the stratosphere, feeding off gossip and disgust like some twirly Star Trek emotion-beast.

I bring this up because I just came back from one of my tradeshow trips to Chicago. The last night we were there, Eric and I went to a wonderful world-class restaurant and ended up chatting with some people at the table next to us. The inevitable question of "Where do you live?" reared its ugly head. When we said "Fresno", one of the women, without missing a beat, said, "Isn't it really gross there?" I couldn't believe it. WTF???? Eric played it off by joking, "Not when I'm there it isn't!" This was followed by laughter, but the guy in their party turned to the woman next to him and audibly said, "It's still gross."

Again, WTF??? You're probably laughing right now, and yeah, it is kinda funny. But this little incident just really got to me, in a final-straw sorta way. Yeah, in some ways Fresno can be a shithole, but seriously, what has this town done to deserve that kind of treatment? These people didn't know us at all. The woman who made the comment had obviously never been here. What the hell could justify saying something like that to a complete stranger about their hometown? It's just fucking rude. And while the first woman could possibly be forgiven for having an honest, immediate response, her smarmy, second-rate-wanna-be-art-critic-looking friend who made the followup comment was just being an asshole. And why? Because we made the mistake of saying we were from Fresno. Apparently, that makes us fair game.

And this incident is not isolated at all- I'm sure you all have your own stories to tell. Another classic was on a trip to Vegas years ago. Stopped for a bite in this 50s-themed diner in the Stratosphere. Turned out that partway through dinner, the experience became interactive, with this 20-year-old kid in Buddy Holly glasses going around sticking a mic in the customers' faces and chatting with them, where are you from, etc. Not making fun of them, that wasn't his schtick- until he got to us. As soon as he heard "Fresno", he literally dropped his head and began to laugh like he'd just been handed hicks on a platter. I don't even remember what was said after that; we smiled and laughed it off as everyone in the restaurant watched. It actually was pretty humiliating and unpleasant, but this guy felt it was okay to do that to us. It's not like we should have expected it- we weren't walking into the Don Rickles show, for God's sake, we were just trying to get some food.

So what makes that guy feel so superior? What, because he lives in Vegas of all places? Yeah, I like the occasional trip to Vegas and I don't mean to dis it, but let's do a little honest comparison here: other than casinos and naked boobies, waddya got? Hotter, drier, and yes, in some ways uglier than Fresno, the very picture of uncontrolled suburban sprawl, a disproportionately high population of sun-dried, prematurely aging desert rats in frayed black tube tops and reeking of unfiltered cigarettes- oh yeah, it's a paradise all right. For that matter, let's talk about Palm Springs, which is basically Vegas without the casinos- blisteringly hot and nestled in a valley which in almost every way is the equivalent of the Central Valley, except even more so- flat farming communities, tractors on every road, plus the grossly polluted Salton Sea, that man-made blotch of pesticide runoff visible from space. Yeah, the mountains there are scenic, but so are ours, when you can see them anyway... point is, that Palm Springs pretty much embodies all the complaints about Fresno, but some combination of location, promotion, attitude and fate have made it a sought-after playground of the rich while those of us from Fresno get harassed in restaurants.

So what's my point? I'm not saying Fresno is the most wonderful place to live. I do like it here, but I also hate it here. There's plenty of other places I could happily live, and probably discover how much better they were than Fresno. There's also plenty of places I could live that would turn out to be worse. My point is that Fresno, for all its faults, gets a bad rap. There's lots of things I'd like to change about this town, but it doesn't deserve the amount and intensity of the scorn that's piled on it. Remember back in the 80s when some book rated us the worst of 277 mid-to-large U.S. cities, based on things like the number of bowling alleys per capita? The day that news came out, I walked out of my classes at Fresno State to a beautiful spring afternoon, a perfect breeze, green trees and flowers in bloom, and I thought, "THIS is the worst place in the country?"

I will say there's one major exception to all this: in my job, I've learned that the one place where Fresno's rep doesn't suffer is in the ag business. People's eyes actually light up when you mention Fresno. It's so refreshing.

But for the rest of the world, where does the problem come from about Fresno? Is it years of TV jokes? Is it the funny name? Is it the neverending lack of self-esteem from its inhabitants? And was that self-esteem caused by the perceptions, or vice versa, in chicken-and-egg fashion? People grumbling about their hometown, even the really popular ones, is not that unusual. But in all my travels over the years, I've never encountered a town with so little civic pride from its natives. And that includes every town that surrounds us. Hell, Bakersfield and Tulare blow us away in the self-esteem department.

I have no answers to the problem. I'm just sick of it. I'm tired of cringing whenever someone asks me where I'm from. I'm tired of setting my jaw and waiting for the jokes to come. The only solutions? Lie or move.